Change

As I took my morning walk today (up to the top of rather large hill, I might add) I thought about all the things I've been "trying" to do for the last year.  This line of thought made me reflect on this blog and its original intent.  As of today, I am not longer "trying" to do the things that I was working so hard on less than a year ago.

I am pregnant.
I am actually finishing my thesis, as opposed to just trying to finish it.  (I dropped off my second chapter last night.)
I have abandoned the concept of community service for a year because my husband and I realized that we are just not in a position for me to devote so much time and effort outside the home, which would take away from my contributions to our household, for free.  For now, my unpaid service will go toward my family.
I have also, just recently (so recently that I even hesitate to type it now) abandoned the idea of continuing on into a PhD program.  There.  I did it.  I typed it.
This last one is primarily because I am having so much trouble imagining handing my infant over to a stranger that I have given up even trying.  (More on this later)

So, what now?  Do I end this blog entitled Life Can Be Trying?

I thought a lot about this, and then, moments before I sat down in front of my computer, it hit me.
I hope that I will always be trying.  Something.
Life is about change, and when one challenge has been overcome, one goal reached, I hope to always look for another.  A very close friend of mine told me once that when we stop learning we die, perhaps not physically, but certainly mentally, perhaps spiritually as well.
I realize that I am still "trying."  I'm just trying to get through different things.
I'm trying to be a responsible pregnant lady.  Yes, that involves huffing and puffing up hills.
I'm trying to stick to my writing deadlines.
I'm trying to be a blessing and not a burden on my household while I am not bringing in an income.
And on and on it goes, and soon, it will change again.

Carlos and I were talking in the car last night, coming back from dropping off my thesis chapter in San Francisco, about how much we've been through, how far we've come from violent and tragic childhoods and irresponsible, self-defeating young adulthoods, always feeling like we were climbing up a muddy hill, always sliding back down into the muck, never getting anywhere.  And we wondered if perhaps we are able to now move so steadily through our lives not in spite of, but because of the horrors we survived in the past.  It is an amazing thing to realize that you are no longer simply "surviving" but actually "living".  You take nothing for granted.

Now, we are overjoyed to be moving forward through life, climbing steps, sometimes small, sometimes big, through this amazing thing called life, always trying, always able to look back at where we've come from and be proud to have made progress.

Yep.  Life can be trying.  Thank goodness.