I hate the unspoken rule that says that if you have a certain relationship with someone, you must give them a gift.
Why?
It creates a sense not of giving but of stress and anxiety. It also has the potential to remove oneself from the person to whom they are giving a gift.
I am not a Christian (though I do think that Jesus was a pretty cool dude with a seriously awesome message. Read Ghandi's quote on Christians).
But I do acknowledge that this holiday has been celebrated since long long before Jesus stepped onto the scene, and that it has always held significance in a vast multitude of cultures. It is a very important time of the year, a rebirth if you will.
I also appreciate the idea behind giving freely to those you love, to putting thought into giving something personal to someone you know personally, without obligation or expectation. There have been some key people in my life who have taught me this, and some not so key people who have shown me the opposite effect: giving because you expect something in return, or giving so that you may repeatedly remind someone that you gave to him/her. This happens at all times of the year, but at Christmas time, it seems the most relevant to discuss.
I did all of my shopping online this year, hallelujah. I was finished before December began. As I did my online shopping, I realized how much nicer it was to relax in my own home and truly think of what I wanted to get people I loved, what I really knew about them, how I felt about them, what I wanted my gift to them to say, especially because I knew I would be watching most of those people open up their gifts.
Interestingly, I have become more imbued with the Christmas spirit, i.e., the spirit of giving, through this process. I know that a particular person is always cold, so I searched for scarves and pashminas online in a way that would have taken hours in retail stores. Another person loves history, and another baseball, so searched for relevant gifts to give to them through various websites.
As I opened gifts this year and cried (remember I'm 6 months pregnant) at how well people know me (and even how well they know how I will feel about dressing my coming baby girl) I reflected back on all the gifts, big and small, that I have given and received, how the thought shines through as the receiver opens the gift, and how the existing bond becomes stronger.
Or, in the adverse situation, weaker.
This, to me, is the same as giving a dollar to the man on the street, or buying lunch for the woman begging outside the restaurant. When we give, we must do so freely, because we see ourselves in others, because we are doing unto others as we would have others do unto us. Giving is giving is giving, and if it is for selfish reasons, better to not give.
And so I vow, that from now on, whenever I give, I will seek to give in a way that lets the receiver know that I love him or her, that I have put thought into the gift, and that it brings me joy to give to him or her.
Or I just won't give.
In the words of the great Stephen Colbert:
"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it."
