Integrity

Once a year, on Memorial Day weekend I go off into the woods, usually near a large body of water, sometimes the ocean, with my husband and a few of our friends and escape.  I spend weeks planning, preparing, shopping, cooking, baking, so that when we arrive, I can do as little as possible and let the boys be boys, grilling, drinking beer, hiking, and all that fun stuff.  I sit and watch and laugh and relax.  Needless to say, I am looking forward to this weekend.

But before I go, I want to say something about integrity.

As I sit here waiting for fresh peanut butter cup cookies to come out of the oven, for my load of whites to finish drying in the dryer downstairs and for the frijoles a la olla to finish simmering, I am kind of watching this movie "Nothing But the Truth".  A female reporter is held in contempt and placed into jail for refusing to reveal her source on a very political, very "national security" story.
As this woman sits in jail, her lawyer has expensive lunches, the judge drinks tea imported from Greece, her son turns 8, her husband has an affair, and the world has forgotten to even care that she is in jail.
I haven't finished the movie yet because the oven timer went off, the dryer buzzed, and my olla needs stirring, but I hit pause right after a quote that I have to share:

"A man leaves his family to go to jail to protect a principal, and they name a holiday after him.  A man leaves his children to go fight in a war, and they erect a monument to him.  A woman does the same thing, and she's a monster.  If we back down what are we saying.... Trust reporters as long as they're not mothers because they'll crack?"

Now, this movie of course comes with the note that it is inspired by true events, but I don't think that point is as important as the one being made above.

It makes me think about all of the things in the world that are so obvious, that everyone knows and acknowledges, yet does nothing about.

Teachers are underpaid and under-appreciated.

Women must live according to a double standard.

Racism still exists.  And thrives.

Corporations control the United States of America.

Integrity is a dying character trait.

When I began watching this movie I understood clearly the message about integrity, about standing up for what you believe in, no matter the consequences.  But until now I hadn't been thinking about the implications of those consequences for women.

Integrity is something that defines a person from moment to moment.  Interestingly enough, it can be lost in an instant and is often not so swiftly recovered.  Every decision we make strengthens or weakens our integrity, and I believe that at some point, one's integrity can become so weak as to break, and when this rupture occurs is when words like "practicality" and "realistic" come into play.  As if to hold on to one's integrity is to be unrealistic, to be idealistic.  I have often heard people say that idealism is for the young, so maybe I am still too young to be realistic.

But I don't think so.

I have been tested, and I have failed.  Miserably.

I have also succeeded, won, prevailed.  It seems to me that the more you practice defending your integrity, at standing up for what you believe in, at doing the right thing, the better you get at it.  Which is not to say that you will never falter, or fail, again, only that you will then know what it takes, what it feels like, to get back.

But all of these things I knew already.

Now I sit in awe at women who do the right thing even when their children's well-being has come into question, when the world has turned on them, when their husbands no longer support them, when other women cannot empathize with them, yet they know with every fiber of their being that they are doing the right thing.

And I vow to have empathy, to listen when their stories are told, to speak up for them, to shout if necessary, when others would close their ears and to tell their stories in turn.  For who are we without empathy?  I am convinced that without empathy we become a world without integrity.

So, on this Memorial Day weekend, here's to believing that one can both be realistic and have ideals.  Here's to fighting for what you believe in and having empathy for others who do the same. 

Here's to integrity.